bnn.lv Latviski   bnn-news.com English   bnn-news.ru По-русски
Ceturtdiena 23.05.2013 | Name days: Leontīne, Ligija, Lonija, Leokādija

Daily joke: Jesus and Satan compete

FaceBook
Twitter
Draugiem
print
(No Ratings Yet)

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at their keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mails with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming, “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait! He cheated,” Satan said. “How did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”


Leave a reply

Lembergs' cheap shopping spree abroad

It's a waste of money – to buy clothing, footwear and cosmetics in Latvia, says criminally accused Latvia politician Aivars Lembergs.

Ford plans to shut all Australian production by 2016

US car giant Ford Motor will shut all its Australian manufacturing plants by October 2016, after more than 85 years of making vehicles in the country.

Builders: Castle of Light is almost finished

The total expected costs for the construction of the Latvian National Library (LNL) are estimated at 187 million LVL, including VAT.

Man killed in London machete attack

Vulvičas rajonā Londonā politisku iemeslu dēļ ar mačeti nogalināts cilvēks, policija sašāvusi un ievainojusi divus aizdomās turētos.

EU leaders see progress on lifting bank secrecy

EU leaders in Brussels for a special summit on tax evasion and fraud hailed new political momentum on the issue, but few concrete measures were agreed to recoup the estimated €1 trillion yearly in lost revenues.

Aircraft bomb found at Ventspils is neutralized in open sea

Bomb disposal specialists of the Latvian National Armed Forces (LNAF) successfully neutralized the 500 kg aircraft bomb that was recently found in Ventspil port.

U.S. stock futures advance

U.S. stocks futures were trading in a narrow range on Wednesday, May 22, morning, but with the major pre-market indexes seeing slight gains.

500 kg large aircraft bomb found at Ventspils port

Yesterday, May 21, a 500 kg large aircraft bomb was found on the premises of Ventspils port, 3rd Zemessardze disttict headquarters representative Zanda Tamulone reports.

Latvian commercial banks create joint enterprise

On Wednesday, May 22, the Enterprise Register of the Republic of Latvia registered a joint company - Kredītinformācijas Birojs – founded by a number of Latvian commercial banks – SEB bank, Swedbank, Nordea, DNB bank, Citadele bank and ABLV Bank. The goal of the newly founded enterprise is to have it function as a credit bureau.

Energy and taxes to be discussed in EU summit

EU heads of state and government are convening in Brussels to enhance energy market and limit tax avoidance.

Latvian residents travelled more often last year

The results of the survey on the domestic trips of Latvian residents show that the number of overnight recreational and other private trips in 2012 was 3.6 million, which is 11.8% more than in 2011.

Average income per capita in the Baltics exceed pre-crisis peak

The Baltic States continue to come close to the average level of the European Union – in the middle of 2011, the average income per capita in the Baltic states were above the peak of the pre-crisis period.

SEB: there is a 50% chance Lithuania will be eligible for Euro in 2015

The Baltic States have been the most rapidly growing economies in the European Union lately, and they can retain their positions in the future as well. Economic growth in Latvia and Lithuania is expected to slow down this year. That in Estonia will remain unchanged – 3.3% respectively.

Bank of Latvia: increase rate of the national economy to slow down

The general money offer index and attracted finances of credit institutions increased slightly this April. The general cash money demand, on the other hand, had reduced. There was also a moderate reduction in the general credit portfolio.

Apple and other great American companies that keep mountains of cash overseas

Apple found itself in front of a Senate Subcommittee Tuesday, May 21, defending its elaborate practice of keeping cash offshore in order to minimize their tax liability. But Apple is far from the only company that does this.

Oklahoma tornado: a lucky mistake in death toll

Oklahoma state officials have corrected the previously announced number of storm victims down from 91 to 24.

Economy Minister: Russian business interest increases in Latvia

There are two scenarios available for the development of Latvia's economy – stay smart and grow naturally, or use a basis of cheap expenses – attract cheap workforce, Latvian Economy Minister Daniels Pavluts believes. The minister points to the growing interest of Russian business in Latvia, which could potentially lead toward rapid development.

Ilves: Estonia is a world power in IT

Estonian President Toomas Hendrik Ilves who is on a working visit to the UK to attend the Google conference Zeitgeist 2013 said in his speech that IT solutions have made Estonia a world power in terms of IT.

Oil deposit exploration in Latvia's waters; project managed by people close to Lembergs

The company responsible for oil deposits surveying in the Baltic Sea in Latvia's economic zone near Liepaja – Balin Energy with its Ocean Nomad drilling platform has reached 525 m depth below sea level.

EU bathing water continues to improve

The latest data on EU bathing water quality has been released, showing 93% of sites meet the minimum standards.

Syria and Israel in exchange of fire

Israeli and Syrian forces have exchanged fire across the ceasefire line in the occupied Golan Heights.

This week's special in Latvia – thunder and lightning

On Tuesday, May 21, most of Latvia's territory will have thunderstorms, which will be accompanied by gusts of wind, reaching 20 m/Sec.

Cypriot banks launder money, leaked EU report reads

It has been unveiled in a leaked EU report that close to 60 percent of the clients of a Cypriot bank are «high risk» as regards money laundering and a large part of all bank depositors' files present errors.

Lembergs on residents' complaints: not worth listening to chatter on the streets!

A serious competition for the seat of Mayor of Ventspils has been brewing for a good time against Aivars Lembergs.

Apple has avoided paying billions in U.S. taxes, investigation unveils

U.S. Senate has released a lengthy report outlining the corporate strateges the hi-tech giant has employed to avoid paying billions in U.S. taxes.

Newest comments